Nov 9, 2006

Albany Rants: post-election political predicitons

Guest Submission
(Originally published on Albany Rants)

Well, it was pretty good stuff, wasn't it?

The Republicans got the butt kicking they deserved. Spitzer is in and we just need to count the days down to get Pataki on a train to Iowa. Everyone's favorite thug was given his walking papers in the 20th congressional district.

I would say that my favorite result nationally was that fascist cretin Ricky Boy Santorum going down in flames in Pennsylvania. But the question here in A-town is: can any real government reform and progressive legislative action be accomplished with Bruno and Silver still hanging around? What's it take to move this pair out of the picture? How about the state offering them each a severance package, of say, $1billion to leave?

Think about that proposition, why don't you. Wouldn't that be a better investment for New York's future than a chip fab or a convention center or road repairs or anything else?

Now that these election are over, it's time to look ahead. So here are my political predictions for the next year or two here in the Capital District:

- Jack's Oyster House offers up a new dish called Lame Duck. State Republicans are offended and announce a boycott

- Joe Bruno's grandaughter (the one that went missing until found walking the streets of NYC under the control of some alleged pimp) emerges from hiding and is given a judgeship in Rensselaer County.

- Patricia DeAngelis and I become an item

- Patricia and I have a child and he is crowned as the new Sun King

- Jerry Jennings announces he is running for Governor -- as a Republican- Brian Stratton announces he is running for Mayor -- of Albany

- Kirsten Gillibrand appoints Mike McNulty as her Chief of Staff

- Bill Clinton starts hanging around Mrs Gillibrand's office a bit too much, thereby giving her the creeps

- The NYS Republican Party, in a move reflecting its status, announces that it will be operating out of a PO Box at the local MailBox USA franchise in Scotia.

- After George Pataki is quickly dismissed from presidential consideration by primary contests, he is seen in downtown Albany asking pedestrians "does anyone know where the NYS Republican party has moved to ?"

- John Sweeney lands some political lame duck appointment. He celebrates by crashing some keggers at RPI.

- An anonymous tipster phones the Times Union, saying she heard a rumor that John Sweeney never actually graduated from college. The reporter decides not to follow up, concluding that there really isn't any difference between having a degree from Russell Sage College and not having one.

- Sweeney's wife, flush with the high of her success in taking a piece of the policital contributions of her hubby's camapaign, becomes the new chief fundraiser for United Way. Two months later, the organization goes broke.

- Sweeney's son, the convicted felon, announces he is entering politics. When told by an advisor that there are voting restrictions on convicted felons, he punches him

- With the Republican party hacks all losing their jobs, that gay "rent a room by the hour for massages" health club in Troy shuts down, citing a loss in business.

- Alan Hevesi is removed from office, but he refuse to actually LEAVE his office. He sits at his desk with his arms folded and won't budge, forcing a SWAT hostage crisis team to be deployed to his downtown Albany building.

- Shelly Silver moves the entire NYS Assembly to lower Manhattan

- Not to be outdone, Joe Bruno moves the NYS Senate to Troy

- Five-hundred lobbyists walk away from the leases on their Albany offices to follow them. Economic prosperity follows as the offices are soon filled with real businesses doing productive work.

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