My floating you a Guest Pass to tonight's show should be considered a longshot, unless you qualify under at least one of the following tests:
1. You are my Current Employee
2. Your are my Current Business Partner
3. You are my Direct Family Member (as in REAL direct)
4. You are someone with whom I Slept With within the past X amount of time (with X being subject to my discretion) and with whom I am still on good terms (see above about the 'my discretion' part)
5. You are someone with Whom I Am About to Sleep With, and of which this courtesy will move you into the Item #4 camp
If you meet one of those 5 qualifiers, you are then subject to passing BOTH of these remaining tests:
1. You must have actually Spoken to Me within the past two (2) weeks on a totally unrelated matter.
2. You are Dead Broke and would not be able to attend this show otherwise.
If you are still eligible after this exercise, feel free to leave a message on my Voice Mail.
Just call me at the brand new number I just got today!!!!.
(Courtesy Of: Jim Barnett.. thx JB)