Joe's Bruno's Ghost - Halloween Edition

You Got Questions? Uncle Joe Has Answers.


Dear Joe,

I see where disgraced Congressman John Sweeney is actively practicing law. He was recently hired by some big shot Albany firm, even. Seeing him back working full time, I was wondering if you have thought about doing the same?

Pete


Dear Pete,

Sweeney is practicing law again? You gotta be shitting me! Can you imagine having this guy as your attorney? I mean, come on: he'd stand up to say something and the whole joint would burst out laughing. You wouldn't be able to shut up the giggles coming from the jury box.

Speaking of Sweeney, there's something that's been bugging me for awhile now. Remember that last DWI, where he was pulled over on the Northway with the young barmaid "on his lap?" What the hell does that mean, "on his lap?" I mean, was she sitting there butt-to-lap? If so, what direction was she facing? Was she driving the wheel, like a little baby? Or are we talking some other part of her being "on his lap?" Details, we need details! Jesus Christ, if I were still in charge here we'd have a full blown investigation into this matter, a commission or whatever. Instead, we don't know ooo-gots! This place has really gone to hell.


Dear Senator J,

What do you make out of the Occupy Wall Street thingamajig?

Bernie Samuels


Dear Writer B,

I actually went down there last week to check it out for myself. At first, I thought it was just a bunch of bored college kids who were trying to live out the 60's that they just read about in some class they took. But then I heard them yelling 'Fox News Lies!' and I knew they were my kind of people. I mean, look at the hatchet job the media did on me! That made me fall right in line with them. But five minutes later, I needed to take my afternoon nap.


Hey JBG,

How can I get a no-show job at the State, like your daughter supposedly got?

Frank A Tomlin


Hey FAT,

How about you meet me in the squared circle at the gym tomorrow morning?


Dear Ghost of Joe,

I hear you're a pretty good cook. Do you have any special recipe for doing up a good plate of lasagna?

Phyllis B,


Dear Ghost of Phyllis,

Sure thing. Here's how I make that happen. First, I lay out the plates and silverware. Then I open up a nice bottle of red wine. Then, I pick up the phone and call the boys down at one of the pie palaces I used to flood with state business and say "Hey Paisan: Uncle Joe here. Do me up a tin of the best lasagna you know to make down there and get it over to the ranch, on the double." It's funny, though - one of them told me to go take a flying leap the other night. He must have been having a bad day, I guess.



Dear Joe Bruno,

Knowing that you were a big shot at an Information Technology firm after leaving office, I thought I would hit you up for some advice on a computer problem I'm having. My Google searches are taking forever in Internet Explorer. But not Yahoo or Bing. I think it has something to do with some browser plugins that were added. How do I go about unloading all of them? Thanks in advance.

Rudy Lindahl


Dear Rudy Lindahl,

WTF are you talking about? Google? Bing? Yahoo? Your making sounds a little baby would make. What are you, one year old or something? How did you learn to write if you're only one. I know, someone wrote this letter for you, didn't they? I'm on to your act. You can't bullshit a bullshitter, you little punk.