Oct 13, 2010

The Art of the Deal

Here's a real life biz conversation from this week.

The setting: I'm about to sign a mini-micro contract for a (very) short engagement with a major global corporation. My direct contacts have signed off on me; now I am getting kicked upstairs to a Buyer, whose job is to beat me up and negotiate my quoted fee in a downward direction. We'll call him Guy:

Guy: The Marketing Department is ready to proceed with you.

Me: We'll, that's great. I'm ready to roll as well.

Guy: Your Agreement is pretty straightforward, I'll sign off on the fine print.

Me: Good.

Guy: Let's move on to the Contract Amount.

Me: Oh, so you don't consider that to be the fine print?

Guy: No, in my world, that's the headline.

Me: Well, then; how much more would you like to pay me on this project?

Guy: Now that's funny. I suggest that we knock a thousand dollars off, so we can get this wrapped up today and let you get working on it.

Me: I don't see that happening.

Guy: I'd like to get some consideration from you, otherwise this thing might get pushed back until after I get back from my vacation next week.

Me: I'd like to leave here and hook up with a couple Victoria's Secret models back at my hotel room, but I got a feeling that we're both gonna come up a little bit short today. You know what I mean?


Guy: You wont budge, even if it means walking away from the project, will you?

Me: No. I do these types of assignments more for fun and for accomplishment than for the money. But I'm not having much fun right now. So unless you can find me $1,000 worth of fun for my giveback, I think I'll stand firm on this one, Guy.

Guy: My wife says that I'm no fun, so according to her I wouldn't be able to find you any fun if I set out to do it with that thousand dollars we're talking about here. OK, we're done. You win. Counter sign here, and we're on your way. Your badge for next week will be waiting for you downstairs at the Security station.

The Lesson: throw a little humor at 'em, and see what happens. Note that this took place in NYC. But: I'm not sure I'd recommend this particular dialogue in, let's say, Kentucky or Tokyo.


Phil the Thrill said...

u r an idiot.

but a funny idiot.

Homer J said...

I had a nice cheeseburger at Friendly's

I had a nice brewski at Circus

I had a nice little girlie I dragged out of City Tavern

See how I spread the love around town?

Farmer John said...

I saw Homer J in City Tavern. He was motorboating. Brrrrrrm. Well done, Homer.