Oct 20, 2010

Joe Bruno's Ghost - October 2010

Hey Joe,

What do you know about this Paladino guy?


Hey Paulie,

Well, I'll tell you a story. A few years back, he stopped by my office, begging for some sort of deal for some crazy real estate project he was dreaming up. I was heading to a Chamber mixer out at the ball park --- you know, the one with my name on it --- so I suggested he join me. He agreed, meeting me at the VIP gate.

We get to the shindig, which was in one of those deals up in the back where people stand around nibbling on little food and sipping wine. But this Paladino character hits the room like a Hun and starts grabbing the chow by the shovel full, like a guy just released from a German POW camp. Every eye in the room was on him, but he didn't give a shit.

The bigger problem was that he as passing gas like a Canadian transmission line. I mean, he was letting them rip like a bugle, and half the joint left just to get away from the fumes. Finally, the Chamber director asked him to leave. By this time, he was drunk, and not too happy about this request. He flipped her the bird, and told me that he'd swing by my place in the morning to continue our discussion.

I watched him head down to the grandstand, where he grabbed an aisle seat to watch the game and keep drinking. There was this disabled kid right in front of him, with some sort of noisemaker that Carl apparently didn't like. So what does he do? He starts pounding on the back of the kid's head, knocking him over the row in front. All hell breaks loose, as security pounces on him. But this Paldaino is a tough SOB, and fists and feet were flying all over the place, not to mention more F-bombs than I've heard in all my days in Albany. They finally tase'd the fucker, which caused him to soil his pants. It was one ugly scene, I'll tell you: kids were crying, parents were trying to shield their eyes, the action on the field came to a dead stop.

They finally drag him out to the parking lot and threw him up against his car, with still more profanities flying. But when he gets in, the battery was dead and he couldn't get it started. So he figures he'll just sit there and take a nap. When the game lets out an hour later, there he was. All the kids started picking up rocks and tossing them at the car, which woke him up and got him all cranked up again. Back came security to intervene. Finally, one of the maintenance guys jump-started him. How do you think Paladino thanks the guy? He call him a piece of garbage and flips his shit-stained pants at him as he sprays gravel all over on his way out the exit.

But that's not the end of it. I get the word later that he drove down to the South End Tavern, walked into the place bare-ass naked, asking if they serve Genny beer! When they refused to serve him, he sucker punched some old drunk, spit at the barkeep and asked which ladies in the room “want a little bit of this?”, as if I need to paint that picture any clearer for you.

Well, here' s the funny part of this whole thing: there he is the next morning at 8AM in my office waiting room. He's all cleaned up, in a nice suit, as if nothing happened. We talked about his issue, and off he went.

I decided right then and there that this was a guy I could do some business with. Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that?


Clare said...

Funny thing is, I half believe this really happened!

Phil the Thrill said...

Did he shit his pants, or shat his pants? Which is grammatically correct? Find out and let us know.

Anonymous said...

Are you sure he's not dead yet? Has anyone seen him lately?

Anonymous said...

i shit. he shat.

Red Head Fred said...

The only part that I don't believe is the Genny beer part.

Come on, nobody drinks that dishwater.

Anonymous said...

I like Joe. Maybe I'll like him even more when he is IS dead.

jws said...

You made this up.


Karen said...

Did your font on here get smaller or am I losing my eyesight?

Cousin Kenny said...

What a pair of bags, Joe and Carl. But such a cute couple. Who do you think would kick the other one's ass?

Chief said...

The Dymamic Duo! Like Batman and Robin, coming to save NY?

Anonymous said...

hee haw

I See Dead People said...

WTF bro? Joe is plotting his comeback, just waiting for the court ruling that tosses his felony convictions. Then maybe he'll run for office one more time.

Hiram the Moneylender said...

Paladino ran off with my wife that same nite.

That sure gets my heartfelt thanks.

But I could never vote for some body with that serious lack of good taste and judgment.

And his car has a coat hanger for the radio antenna.

But then again he almost kicked Dicker's ass. If he had closed that deal, it would be a different story. He'd win by 20.

Jimmy Disco at least learned to keep his mouth shut this time around. But he is still a bag.

Whatever happened to the Bronner guy in Saratoga, always at the city council meetings? The one with the PTSD? Is he dead too? Will he get a Ghost Of column here too? Look into that, would you.

Is the Valerie Keane lady running for mayor again? If so, give us a warning before she speaks. It's like being in the same room as a drunk mute on ludes.

All right, that's all for now. I will keep tabs on you now that I found where you are.

Pete said...

You're funny, Joe. But Carl Paladino? Not so funny.